


Matches

by NotSoSirius92



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Explicit Language, F/M, Forbidden Love, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 02:58:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18460073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotSoSirius92/pseuds/NotSoSirius92
Summary: The first time he saw her, she was in his 1st year Potions Class, and he remembered thinking that she was the prettiest thing he'd ever seen.





	Matches

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Sing Me A Rare - Volume 3. Winner of Admin Fave and Best Use of Song! A big thanks to my Alpha KickyNikki and Beta Katalina_Riddle. Big S/O to DarKAngelOfSorrow for the bomb ass aesthetic! Also, go read the other entries for this fest id you haven’t because they are so good and I’ve fangirled over ALL OF THEM.  
> Song- Ain't No Sunshine by Bill Withers

 

 

_1st year - Thursday, September 2, 1971 - It’s Not Warm When She’s Away_

 

The first time Remus Lupin saw her, he was only eleven, and she was the prettiest girl in his class. She had pale grey eyes, long white blonde hair, a button nose. She sat next to him on the first day of his very first Potions class, as Professor Slughorn had instructed her to do.

He felt as though she were scrutinizing him, before pulling her chair to the corner of the table as though he were contaminated -- which he was, but how could she know that?

“I’m Remus. Remus Lupin,” he stated, because manners dictated him to do so, but he didn’t expect her to be polite.

She didn’t disappoint.

“Narcissa Black,” she looked down her nose at him, as though he should have known who she was, and how dare he ask?

“Nice to meet you,” he replied meekly, and amber met grey before he focused his attention on the ensuing lecture. He didn’t think he’d even be able to go to Hogwarts, and he wasn’t going to let his little chit of a potions partner ruin the best thing that ever happened to him.

 

* * *

 

_2nd year - Friday, March 9, 1973 - I know, I know, I know_

 

A package slid across the table to him, and he raised an eyebrow at his partner. She dismissed him with a delicate shrug.

“It doesn’t mean anything,” she said simply, opening her book and ignoring him as he smirked at her.

“You didn’t have to get me anything, ‘Cissa.”

“I know,” she replied, “but you’re my friend.”

“Even though your pureblood friends don’t want you associating with the likes of me?”

“It is the way my family and friends have always been, Remus, I cannot help their opinions of you.”

Remus snorted, “Sirius doesn’t think that way. He’s my best mate, and you ignore me in the presence of those baby death eaters. Are you ashamed?”

Narcissa didn’t hesitate. “I’m not ashamed of you, but my sister still has two more years at Hogwarts, and if she knew we were friends, she would make your life miserable. You know this.” Her pretty mouth was turned down, and her eyes stared imploringly at him.

Amber met grey, and he felt his resolve crumble.

He was about to respond when the bell rang, signaling the end of the class. He sighed, but smiled at her, and she knew she was forgiven.

He met up with his friends, and Sirius looked at him suspiciously, “My cousin gave you a birthday present?”

Remus shrugged, “We have been partners in potions since last year. We’re friendly, is all.”

Sirius looked at him for a long time before James threw an arm around his shoulder.

“She’s a Slytherin, mate,” he said, his voice littered with a concern that only James Potter seemed to possess. He was always going around mothering people, making sure they were taken care of.

“My entire family are bigoted nutters, Remus,” Sirius agreed.

Remus sighed; there was really no point in arguing with them.

 

* * *

 

_3rd year - Wednesday, May 29, 1974 - Wonder Where She’s Gone_

 

“Divination is an awful subject,” he groused, slamming his book down on the table, causing Narcissa to jump in her seat before composing herself.

“I told you not to take it,” she said cooly, “Divination is only useful to actual Seers, and even then its unreliable at best because every Seer’s magic is different and attuned to different things.”

“The only thing I can foresee is that I will have wasted an entire two years on this stupid subject by the time O.W.L.’s come around.” He was grumpy and rumpled, and Narcissa had the urge to brush his hair away from his face to see those startling honey eyes he had.

They sat in silence for a while and she took the time to examine him. His hair was shaggy and hung in waves around his face. He was losing the bit of baby fat there too, and Narcissa would see what an attractive man he would become, how handsome he already was.

Amber met grey.

She shook herself, and squared her shoulders. It would not do to have such thoughts. Even if he did return her affections, they were a lost cause.

“We only have a couple weeks of school left,” Remus nudged her shoulder with his, and she turned to stare into beautiful amber eyes.

“Yes, and?”

“I was wondering if I could write you,” he said slowly, and she could see the anxiousness in the set of his mouth - she wanted to kiss it away.

“Of course you can,” she said instead, shoving the irksome feelings to the side. “I’ll look forward to them in any case. Honestly, I wondered why you’d never written before.”

Remus stared at her for a moment, and thought about how lovely she was.

“I didn’t think you would want to hear from me when we’re not at school, when you are with your family,” he said quietly, and he saw the quick realization fall in place in those startlingly grey eyes. Narcissa was never slow on the uptake.

“I always want to talk to you, Remus.”

Each was so focused on their own feelings, that neither noticed the flush running up their cheeks.

 

* * *

 

_4th year - Tuesday, September 3rd, 1974 - And This House_

 

Hormones.

Bloody awful things.

Remus Lupin had religiously written Narcissa Black the summer prior, and the letters had been a bright spot in what happened to be an otherwise dull summer.

His mother had gotten sick with a muggle illness called Lyme Disease. Remus hadn’t even known that the U.K. had bugs that carried such a thing.

So he’d spent every day, other than the full moon, caring for her whilst his father went to work to try and afford the medicines she required.

But everytime James, Sirius, Peter, or Narcissa wrote him, it had been a reassurance that his friends wouldn’t reject him just because he wasn’t around to spend time with them.

His pubescent mind had not wanted to admit that he’d even needed the reassurance.

It had all started with the first Potions class of the school year. Because of course, everything starts in Potions.

The full moon had only been two days prior, and Remus’s lupine senses were still in overdrive. They always were, even in human form, but particularly so leading up to, and shortly after the full moon.

She sat down next to him with as much grace as she always did, and he turned in his chair, ignoring his sore muscles and gave her a reserved smile. Until her scent hit his nostrils.

Heady. Inviting. Woman.

She was in the customary grey pleated skirt that hovered mid-thigh, revealing legs that he’d thought would be more delicate than the powerful muscles he saw rippling every time she shifted.

Tucked into her skirt was a white button up, short sleeved, revealing slender but toned arms. But that wasn’t what caught his eye. The strained buttons across her chest did.

They were there, and he could see the gentle swell of them beneath, and his tongue rooted to the top of his mouth.

 _Who thought it was a good idea for girls to wear that uniform in a school full of hormonal teenagers?_ Remus lamented mournfully to himself.

“Remus? How are you?” Her aristocratic voice broke his, admittedly blatant ogling, and he appreciated her ignoring it.

“Oh, you know,” he said casually, “I read ahead for the year, it’s going to be a tough one.”

She snorted, and he wondered how she could make such a noise sound so delicate.

“Always the overachiever.”

Amber met grey, and he grinned. Just like that, they were back to normal, with the exception of the fluttering they both felt, but were too scared to admit.

The year passed uneventfully, though the Marauders and Snape had escalated to a new level of violence. The pranks were no longer harmless, and Severus ended up with a broken clavicle, though James had suffered from burns to his entire arm. They’d been given a months worth of detention, and Remus and Narcissa avoided the conflict, trying not to let the outside world permeate their friendship -- though deep down, they knew it was futile.

 

* * *

 

_Summer of 1975 - Wonder This Time Where She’s Gone_

 

Narcissa,

I’m sorry I haven’t written over the last few weeks. I’ve been sick, you see, but I’m feeling better now, so don’t you go worrying!

I’ve just arrived at James Potter’s house, and he and Sirius are running around wreaking havoc on myself and Peter, but I digress. I think he’s still sore from the itching powder I put in his trousers before the end of last year.

How is your summer going? Have you done Professor McGonagall’s essay, yet? I know we are supposed to write twelve inches of parchment, but honestly, I can’t begin to think of what else to write. We’re not even turning the hedgehog into a pincushion yet, so how am I to be an expert on the wandwork? Theory only takes you so far. But with O.W.L.s coming up, you can’t study too much!

Anyway, I hope you are doing well, and I’m looking forward to your letter.

Your friend,  
Remus  
OoO  
_Remus,_

_I have decided to forgive you for your tardiness, so long as you do not let it happen again._

_Sorry, I do not know how well my sense of humor translates in writing. I was kidding, in case you didn’t know. Although, now that I think about it, I would rather prefer you to not take so long next time._

_This summer has been absolutely rotten._

_I’ve been betrothed._

_Yes, you’ve read that right. I’ve been betrothed. To Lucius Bloody Malfoy. That git’s head is so fat I’m surprised his neck is able to support it. He had the nerve to ask me if I would declare my wand as his during our bonding ritual. That would make me as subservient as a House Elf. I told him that I would hex his nose off of his face for speaking to me that way. I am a Black, after all, and that pompous arse is lower in station than I am._

_That sounded incredibly snotty of me, didn’t it? Old habits die hard. I am sorry, but I just couldn’t help myself. He’s so bloody arrogant. But how do I even begin to say no? The contract is binding, our parents agree to it. Mother and Father are absolutely in love with Abraxas Malfoy’s pockets - and his political alignments as well._

_Mother just tells me that a Lady of the House Black never bemoans her station, only gracefully carries out the duties of her house._

_I almost told her I didn’t want to be a lady then. But, I will honor my house, I suppose._

_What do I do?_

_Narcissa_

_P.S. You deserve to be pranked after using itching powder on his undergarments. So ungentlemanly._  
P.P.S. - Look up Gamp’s Law as reference, I think she just wants to make sure we understand the theory before she has us performing transfiguration on live animals.  
OoO  
_Narcissa,_

_I am not sure what to say in response to your situation. I admit, I am disgusted. Malfoy has always been a prat, and while you know I’m less inclined to agree on your family’s political alliances, I know you don’t agree with them. We wouldn’t be friends otherwise, right?_

_So what do you do now? What does it mean for you and I, our friendship?_

_Forgive me for sounding so selfish, when obviously this is a terrible situation for you. But, I find myself worried that you will have to turn your back to me, because of my blood status and the fact that I find Death Eater robes incredibly tacky. Your friendship is important to me._

_You are important to me. I just want you to remember that._

_I’ve been paying attention to the Prophet, and it is changing. He’s getting stronger, my dad reckons he’s the one behind all of these disappearances._

_Just be careful, Cissa. I would hate for any harm to come to you._

_Please know that you can talk to me, anytime._

_Regards,_  
Remus  
OoO  
_Remus,_

_I don’t think we will have much time to talk during potions. Now that I’m betrothed, my housemates will be watching me much more closely, as I have now become a woman in their eyes, and a kept one at that, as barbaric as it seems._

_Meet me at the shrieking shack, the first Hogsmeade weekend, at 1pm. We will talk then._

_Narcissa_

_P.S. You are important to me too._

 

* * *

 

_5th year, Saturday October 11th, 1975 - Gone Too Long_

 

At one in the afternoon, Remus sat on a bench overlooking the shrieking shack. He waited only for a moment before Narcissa Black gracefully walked into view.

He hadn’t spoken to her since the summer. Professor Slughorn divided their Houses to the opposite sides of the classroom, as hostility between the Lions and the Snakes had reached an all time high.

He would watch her laugh with some of the vilest people he’d ever met, and it boiled his blood in ways he didn’t quite comprehend.

“Cissa,” he said curtly, rising to greet her. It was only a year ago he’d have hugged her and kissed her cheek. Such times were a thing of the past.

She sighed, and tugged his hand. Pulling him along the beaten path and into the cover of the forest.

They crossed into the trees, Remus more comfortable than she because he roamed these woods once a month. But Narcissa would look around with anxiety every once in a while.

Finally, they stopped, and he removed his outer cloak for them to sit on.

“What’s been happening?” He asked urgently, smelling the fear wash over her.

She hesitated, and Remus took her hand in his, a gesture of comfort he hadn’t ever given her.

“I am to join _him_.”

Remus’s insides froze.

“As soon as I graduate,” she continued, “Lucius is already in his ranks. He’s of age, you see. They plan on making Sirius join too, this summer, he’s the Heir.”

“Why so soon?” he felt as though ice cold water had been poured over him, concern for his best mate and his… and Narcissa, coursing through him.

“Sirius has made some dangerous choices in the company he keeps and the ideations he spouts off,” she said evasively, obviously uncomfortable talking about her cousin. “It’s no wonder the boy wasn’t put in Slytherin, he has a bleeding Gryffindor heart if I’ve ever seen one. They will give him an ultimatum, or they will break him.”

“Over my dead body,” he snarled, and couldn’t quite control his inner wolf.

Narcissa watched as his eyes glowed a deep gold, and her suspicions were confirmed. Somehow though, she wasn’t repulsed, or afraid.

She was exhilarated.

Amber met grey.

He watched her shock, and recoiled in shame. He’d slipped out of the careful control he’d maintained over himself for a decade, and now she’d seen. Miserably, his shoulders sank, and he turned his face from her, unable to watch as she inevitably would leave.

“I know, Remus. It’s okay,” she soothed, turning his face towards hers, “I’m afraid of many things, but not of you.”

He kissed her then, pulling her into himself as his tongue devoured hers. She was incredibly responsive, soft sighs leaving her mouth and his inner wolf sang at the ability he had to make her do so.

Narcissa had not felt like this when Lucius touched her, though admittedly, Narcissa had not wanted him to.

This was completely different. It felt good, like he was soothing away an ache she hadn’t known existed.

His hands were soft and tender as they cupped her face, the heat of his lips slowing down into a soft reverence against her skin.

“I have wanted to do that for longer than I care to admit,” he whispered against her mouth, and kissed her once more, quickly, before pulling away.

She immediately felt his absence.

They met in secret for the remainder of the year, and before they knew it, O.W.L.s had arrived.

Remus could not be found without a book in his hand. James and Sirius, boisterous as though they were, had also taken to doing revisions late into the night, helping Peter as best they could.

Remus left his Defence Against the Dark Arts exam feeling fairly confident that he’d done well enough to at least merit an Exceed Expectations.

“Did you like question ten, Moony?” Sirius asked with a smile.

Lupin nodded and deadpanned, “Loved it. Give five signs that identify the werewolf, excellent question.”

The studious Marauder began ticking off his fingers.

“One: He’s sitting on my chair. Two: He’s wearing my clothes. Three: His name is Remus Lupin.”

He cajoled merrily with his friends, sitting under their tree in the courtyard. Laughter flowed easily amongst his friends, and Remus didn’t bother to hide an easy and grateful smile as he pulled a book out to check some of his earlier references.

“Ah,” he heard Sirius exclaim quietly, noticing his friend straighten his posture, “Snivellus.”

Remus knew it was cowardly, but as his friends and his nemesis stood off against one another, he couldn’t bring himself to intervene. His nose was nearly touching the pages of the book he hid behind.

“You think you’re funny, but you’re just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter,” Lily Evans snarled as she came to the aid of her friend. “Leave him alone.”

Remus sighed and stood up. There were few witches he was afraid of, but the irate red-head was one of them. He watched them all facing off against each other, watched James make a fool of himself in front of her.

“I don’t need help from filthy little mudbloods like her!”

Lily blinked, before snarling an insult at Snape and storming off.

Remus felt his heart break for his friend at the same time that his inner wolf snarled for the slight against her.

Without his friends noticing, and having no desire to watch the rest of the spectacle, Remus dashed after her.

“Lily!” He called, “Wait!”

She rounded on him then, “What do you want, Remus?”

He stopped short, suddenly regretting his decision to chase after her. “I’m sorry,” he said lamely. “I know the two of you were friends.”

Lily stared at him a moment before sighing wearily, “Potter and Black may have tipped the scales today, but our friendship started this path long ago. This was inevitable. It still hurts, though.” She patted his shoulder softly before turning and walking away from him.  
oOo  
_Room of Requirement, June, 1976_

He wandered around aimlessly for awhile, pondering Lily Evans and his part in the demolition of her friendship with Severus Snape. He never sought a fight, true. But he never tried to really quell the antics of his friends, and though loyal, James Potter and Sirius Black could be vicious. Especially when it came to the Dark Arts.

He let a low growl out when all of the sudden two hands grabbed him seemingly out of nowhere. His mind registered her scent only a moment later.

“Narcissa? Where did you come from?”

Grabbing his bearings, he realized he was in a large room with a fire going, a lovely dinner at a table with two chairs. His mouth watered.

“We haven’t been able to have a date in a while,” she said simply. “I just wanted to have a nice night with you before we go home for the summer hols.”

He kissed her softly. “Thank you,” and then looked around incredulously. “Where are we?”

“The house elves call it the Come and Go Room,” she shrugged, but the gleam in her eyes told Remus she was excited to know something he didn’t about the castle. “But I call it The Room of Requirement.”

She led him to the table, where they ate in silence, and somehow the lack of sound said more than either of them could.

She stared at him, admiring how he’d somehow became a man over the past year. The baby fat his cheeks had at the beginning of the year had vanished, leaving a sharp jaw that she loved biting when feeling a little frisky.

His less-than-human metabolism made him tall and well sculpted, but also lean, like a swimmer. Narcissa found she was never repulsed by him, as she should have been. She was always in awe of him. How beautiful he was at sixteen, and already so broken.

“I want you,” she said.

“Huh?” his eyes bulged out, and he stared at her, not breathing. His mind was in overdrive, and Moony was howling furiously.

_She is offering herself to us. Take her._

“Narcissa,” he said, whimpering softly as she came closer, straddling his lap and taking his face into her small hands.

“I want you,” she repeated. “I love you, Remus. Not Lucius, and if I’m to be given to him when we graduate, I want you first.”

“I love you too,” he said, “but I’ve never..”

She smiled beatifically at him. “Neither have I. I don’t care. You will not hurt me.”

Amber met grey.

The wolf inside him groaned with pleasure as Remus surrendered. He stilled, allowing her to explore his frame with shaking fingers. The tie around his neck that was normally straight and pristine hung loosely, her fingers casually tossing it aside as she undid it.

He remembered the first time he saw Narcissa Black, and how he’d watched her grow into the beautiful vivacious young woman atop him now. She was fearless, and the steely glint of determination in her thunderstorm colored eyes reminded him that all Blacks toed that line of insanity that Sirius so often cursed about. Her blonde locks, curled and held in place with charms, fell over her shoulders in a casual elegance that Remus himself would never have been able to achieve.

Button by button, she undid his white collared shirt. Her fingers, nimble and true, were growing less hesitant. Straddling his lap, she beckoned him to lean forward into her as she slid the now opened shirt from his shoulders.

She smelled like a rainstorm. Surprising, considering she was all hard lines and a cold exterior. He leant back to look at her whilst she explored him, running her fingers over his abdomen, feeling the raised lines of all the silver scars that resided there.

He turned away.

She saw his face, saw the shameful look he wore, and lowered her head to kiss a scar that ran across his chest.

“Your scars make you beautiful,” she said quietly, and he lost all semblance of sanity.

He picked her up, carrying her to the bed that had appeared in the center of the room. He divested himself of his trousers, leaving himself only in a set of briefs that left no imagination to the effect that she had on him.

Her eyes widened as he grinned wolfishly down at her, his amber eyes glowing slightly in the firelight.

“Remus?” she asked him, and he shook himself out of his stupor, cringing immediately.

“I am so sorry, I don’t know what came over me.” He kissed the inside of her wrist, closing his eyes as her scent hit his oversensed mind.

“I want all of you, Remus.”

She inched out of her shirt, leaving herself clad in only a grey pleated skirt and an emerald bra. She fiddled with the buttons on her skirt, before huffing in frustration and waving her wand. He chuckled as the skirt disappeared, revealing simple satin knickers. Silver.

He’d never appreciated Slytherin colors until that moment.

Her skin looked ethereal, and he laid over her, pressing himself against her, having removed his briefs whilst she was distracted. Wandlessly vanishing the last vestiges of her clothing, he admired her pale body, the graceful slopes and planes creating the most beautiful mosaic he’d ever seen.

“You let me know if I need to stop,” he said, though he could already feel the warmth radiating from her, and he wasn’t really sure he would be able to without Herculean restraint.

“I love you,” she nodded, and he sank into her.

It was perfection.

 

* * *

 

_6th Year - Monday, February 14th, 1977 - Wonder if she’s Gone to stay_

 

“How’s Sirius doing?”

He had been tracing lazy patterns along her bare back, the cackling fire in the Room of Requirement the only sound that had been made since they’d been in the throes of passion not an hour ago.

It was getting harder and harder for them to meet up. The corridors were being more heavily monitored, though they were both prefects and had an idea of which secluded corridors were unavailable.

It was the first time they’d seen each other in weeks, and their lovemaking had been frenzied. Remus would have never suspected his witch -- the cultured, put together, pure-blooded princess -- to be a deviant in the bed. But she was, and Moony absolutely loved it.

Until after, when their problems would seep back in with the come down.

Like now.

“He recovered, as you well know,” he said curtly, pulling away from her and throwing his slacks on haphazardly.

“What is your problem?” Narcissa asked, sitting up and gathering her clothes.

“We can’t keep ignoring this forever ‘Cissa,” he said, “We are on two different sides of the war. You won’t leave your family. You won’t be with me. I’m like your dirty kept secret.”

“Remus, I have to obey my family. If I go against them, the consequences would be disastrous.”

Remus scoffed, “Meaning you die.”

“Meaning _YOU_ die!”

He was silent for a moment. “How would I die?”

She hesitated before sighing and pulling him back to bed, taking his hand in hers as she let out a shaky breath. “Lucius found one of your letters over the summer. He knows. About us.”

Remus froze.

“He said that if I didn’t do as he said, he would send some ‘friends’ to pay you a visit. Remus, he doesn’t make idle threats. I can’t let anything happen to you.”

He looked at her face, beautiful as always, and felt his anger melt away. He could never stay angry at her for very long anyway. It was bloody inconvenient at times. Amber met grey, colors swirling together in one infinite moment.

“I don’t need you to protect me, Narcissa.”

“Doesn’t mean I won’t do it anyways.”  
oOo  
They met as often as they could for the rest of the school year. Knowing their time was coming to a close, Remus did his best to show the witch not to be afraid, to somehow change her mind even though he knew deep down that it was futile.

But she let him. Every time he touched her skin she came alive. She was no longer a Black, destined to serve under the feet of a madman. She was no longer a pure-blood, a Slytherin, a witch on whom so many expectations had been placed. She was simply a woman, who wanted a man.

And she wanted him often.

 

* * *

 

_7th year - Thursday, September 1st, 1977 - I Oughta Leave Young Thing Alone_

 

The first time he saw her, Remus Lupin had thought Narcissa Black was the prettiest little thing he’d ever seen.

Six years later, he had seen every inch of her body, and he knew that his first impression had been entirely wrong.

Narcissa Black had never been pretty, she’d been beautiful. He walked into NEWT potions class, sitting in the front of his potions class, on their side, as he usually did.

The summer had been rough. Many people had died, including Remus and James’s fathers, fighting for the Order of the Phoenix. The Marauders weren’t supposed to know, but James’s parents had never kept things from them. The Marauders had a propensity for knowing things they shouldn’t either way.

Remus was ready. He was ready to do his part in the war, ready to avenge his father and put down the death eaters who had burned his home to the ground.

James, Sirius, and Peter slid in beside him, noticing their glares towards the other side of the classroom, where the Slytherins sat with gloating smiles on their faces.

“I’m going to kill them,” Sirius said quietly, his hands clenching in an attempt to restrain himself.

“Calm yourself, Padfoot,” James said cautiously, fingering the gleaming Head Boy Badge on his robes, “You can not duel any of them.”

Remus and Sirius looked at him incredulously, surprised that James Potter, of all people, was exercising caution.

James sighed, before grinning, leaning in to whisper to them, “You can’t duel them where you’ll get _caught._ ”

A tinkering laugh drew his attention to where Narcissa Black was joking with Seline Rosier and Henrietta Bulstrode. Remus knew their siblings were both Death Eaters, and the sight boiled his blood. To know that she laughed effortlessly with the people who killed his father hurt more than he cared to say.

Amber met grey, and she offered a small, almost imperceptible nod when she thought no one was looking.

He ignored her, for they hadn’t spoken since the final week of school last year. His letters remained unanswered, and he’d waited at the place he’d told her to meet him, every day, for weeks. But she had never came, and he’d forced himself to believe that maybe she’d finally succumbed to the ideologies her supremacist family boasted.

Maybe he was better off, though his heart reminded him every moment that wasn’t what it wanted.  
oOo  
“Remus! Slow down!”

She’d been trying to track him down discreetly for the past two months, but luck had not been on her side. It had been five months, five, since she’d last touched him, made love to him, and she was aching for him.

As fate would have it, they were in the seventh floor corridor when he’d finally had enough and rounded on her.

“What do you want?” he asked coldly, and she recoiled a bit before schooling her features into the signature Slytherin mask. One of cold indifference.

“Pardon,” she said with politely controlled ire, “I’d thought to ask after your health. How rude of me to impose myself on you.”

“Cut the shit, Narcissa, do not make me out to be some villian that has hurt your feelings. I tried for weeks to talk to you, only to receive nothing in return, and I can take a guess as to what you were up to.”

He grabbed her left forearm, squeezing slightly, taking no joy from it as he watched her flinch in pain.

“I thought you were to wait until graduation,” he snapped.

“The Dark Lord has started requiring services to him at an earlier age. I was not spared,” she said quietly.

“It’s disgusting,” he snarled, his eyes glowing, but she didn’t flinch from him, only averted her eyes guiltily.

“You should have ran with me when I asked you to,” he whispered, his voice breaking.

“I couldn’t and you know that. It is obedience or die, and I knew your friends and family would need you.”

Amber met grey.

“Wait a minute,” he said, his eyes widening, “did you know there was going to be an attack on my house?”

Silence.

“My father,” Remus said, shaking Narcissa’s shoulders, his eyes widening at the sudden tears in her eyes. “Did you know they’d come for us? Did you know before I stopped sending you letters?”

More silence.

And then, “It is obedience or die, Remus. I couldn’t tell you, because Lucius would have known it was me, and then you all would have died much, much worse. More painfully, slower. I did what I could to save your mum, but your dad was already too-”

“Hold on. You were there?”

Narcissa cringed. “You know I had no option. Remus, I love you, and I’m so sorry.”

“I love you, too,” he said automatically, as though his soul knew it even though his brain was telling him it was wrong. “I can’t imagine ever forgiving you, though. This -- us? It’s done. It was never going to mean anything, and we were just fooling ourselves.”

She allowed herself to cry then, because only with him did she ever feel safe to be truly vulnerable. Narcissa took his face in her hands, noticing his amber eyes were wet as he tried to stay angry with her. But the minute her lips met his he was lost, and he wondered how, even as their breaths mingled with the sweetest scent on the air around him, that he could still feel breathless. This, he thought absently, was the passion that he had always read about.

He placed his hand on the delicate slope of her neck, the other cupping her face as though she were fragile, even though he knew she was strong. Her hands gripped his shoulders in such a way that he didn’t know if she was pushing him away or pulling him closer.

Slower, they melted into each other, savoring the moment, because as it ended, they knew it would never happen again.

Remus pulled away first, memorizing her face in the sweet seconds that her eyes were still closed. He wanted to keep her this way in his mind, thoroughly snogged, and loving him as deeply as he was loving her.

Narcissa’s eyes did open then, and sure enough, their stormy depths held love in them, even as she closed her heart to him forever.

“I’ll never forget you,” she said.

He shrugged, trying for nonchalance. “Of course you won’t. But this is the last time I’ll see you. At least, I pray to Merlin it is. Because after graduation, Narcissa, I don’t know if I’ll be able to kill you.”

She nodded in agreement, “Nor I, you.”

They shared sad smiles together then, and he turned, walking away from her. He was almost around the corner when she called out to him.

“Yeah?” He turned to face her, still standing where he’d kissed her.

“I love you,” she said desperately, as though she _needed_ him to know this one defining thing.

“I know,” he said, “I’ve always known.”

And then he walked away, taking her heart with him.

 

* * *

 

_Friday, June 30th, 1978 - Oh, She’s gone_

 

_Malfoy-Black Wedding the Largest Wedding this Century! - By Rita Skeeter_

_Lucius Malfoy and Narcissa Black were married yesterday morning at the Malfoy Family home in Wiltshire._

_The ceremony was beautifully done, bringing back the traditional beauty of the rituals of Old. The couple was bound together in front of some of the most influential families in the United Kingdom and Europe alike. It is even rumored the American Minister for Magic was present._

_Narcissa Malfoy…_

 

_Friday, June 30th, 1978 - She’s gone_

 

“I, Remus John Lupin, swear my allegiance to the Order of the Phoenix. I come, as a wizard, with a free conscious, and do so swear to protect the innocent with my wand and uphold the values of this organization. So mote it be.”

* * *

 

_Sunday, January 14th, 1979 - Only Darkness Everyday_

 

“Did you hear about the Mckinnons?” James spoke softly, glancing slightly to where Lily was sleeping on the couch, having finally cried herself to sleep.

“Marlene?” Remus blanched. He had always liked the vivacious witch, who had been in the same year and house as Remus and his friends had been. His heart hurt for Lily, who had become quite close with Marlene over the years.

“Who?” Remus asked, though he felt too numb from the other losses they’d suffered to really be surprised anymore. He winced with soreness from the full moon the day before, but nevertheless, when the younger order members met at the Hog’s Head that night, he went to toast to his fallen friends.

 

* * *

 

_Thursday, July 31st, 1980 - I know, I know_

 

Lily had been in labor for a few hours, and Remus was holding her hand, trying his very best not to wince. They had hoped like hell that the baby, due at the end of July, would just make it to the beginning of August.

James had been so nervous and panicked that Sirius had threatened to Stun him if the other Marauder didn’t pull himself together. James eventually returned to the room where Remus was with Lily, Alice, and Frank Longbottom, after being sufficiently plied with Firewhisky and a mild Calming Draught.

“Merlin, he’s got the Potter hair!” Sirius chuckled merrily as an exhausted Lily slept while James passed the newborn into his godfather’s arms.

Remus smiled, already loving the infant more than he’d ever loved anyone else in his young life.

“We’re gonna teach him so many pranks,” Sirius said, looking down at the boy with complete adoration.

“I’m going to teach him how to not get caught pranking,” Remus couldn’t help but interject.  
“We’ve got to keep him alive, first.” James’ words seeped into the room, sucking the happiness out as surely as a dementor would.

“Voldemort wants my son.”

Remus vowed as he took Harry Potter in his arms that he would do anything to protect his family.

 

* * *

 

_Saturday, October 31st, 1981 - Only Darkness_

 

Remus sobbed as he watched Medi-Witches and Wizards remove the bodies of James and Lily Potter.

“I should have protected them,” he cried helplessly, the sorrow becoming unbearable as he’d lost everything that ever mattered to him. He couldn’t bare to watch as a stretcher was brought out, fiery red hair hanging from under the crisp white sheet.

He apparated on the spot to the long-since used shack, that had brought with it so many happy memories of his friends. All gone, in some fashion.

He smelled her before he saw her, and the ache in his chest worsened, knowing what his heart wanted and deeply wishing it didn’t.

“Why are you here?” He asked through his tears, not bothering to look at her when she sat next to him.

“I thought you might need a friend,” she said softly, placing her hand on top of his.

“We aren’t friends, _Malfoy_ ,” Remus spat, a small part of him taking sadistic pleasure that he was able to make her cringe and hurt -- because he hurt so, so much.

Amber met grey, both miserable and dull.

“The Dark Lord is dead,” Narcissa pleaded with him, “I can get a divorce, we don’t have to hide anymore now that... Now that everyone is either dead or imprisoned.”

“Why would I want to be with you?” Remus snapped, and she recoiled as though he had slapped her.

“Because we love each other,” she said, as though that simple answer could change everything. Anything.

“Loving you isn’t enough to erase the fact that I also hate you,” he said, the ache in his chest at the absence of both her and his friends becoming unbearable.

“Goodbye, Narcissa,” he said. “I never want to see you again.”

He disapparated before she somehow convinced him to stay.

 

* * *

 

_Monday, December 6th, 1993 - Ain’t No Sunshine_

 

_Dear Professor Lupin,_

_My son, Draco, has informed me about the rather blatant favoritism you have shown your Gryffindors in Defense Against the Dark Arts. As it is your job to ensure that all of your students are well-versed in the subject, I find myself rather appalled at the behavior you have displayed towards my son. He should not pay for the sins of his father, or mother, as the case may be, and as you well know, my husband is on the board…_

Remus crumpled up the letter, affronted at her audacity and the not so subtle threat.

 _Dear Narcissa_ , he wrote, knowing the informal use of her name would infuriate her.

_Perhaps if Young Mister Malfoy focused more on his studies rather than bullying students who he deems to be inferior to himself, he would be able to retain the knowledge I have attempted to teach him. Maybe you should endeavor to teach your child kindness and tolerance rather than to be a pompous, bigoted pure-blood. Especially considering you used to enjoy wrapping your mouth around half-blood cock back in the day, from what I remember._

__

_Yours Truly,  
Remus Lupin _

_There,_ he thought acidly, and sent the letter before he could feel guilty. _That will teach her to think twice about threatening a Marauder._

 

* * *

 

_Wednesday, December 25th, 1996 - Young Thing_

 

“I love you,” she said to him, her hair flashing from purple to violet as she tried to contain her anger. Her eyes though, those grey eyes, were hot with ire as she shot down his rejections of her feelings. _Just like Sirius, just like Narcissa_ , he thought, cursing himself for getting involved with yet another Black witch, one who was just as fiery as her Aunt.

“Dora, I’m too old, too poor, there are so many reasons why this can't work,” he pleaded, looking away from those eyes that had always been his undoing.

“And there are twice as many reasons as to why they can,” Tonks insisted, and placed her lips over his. She smelled like leather and honey and sunshine.

“I’m your mate, Remus. You can’t run from this any more than I can. Let’s just enjoy it. Be together. I love you.”

Amber met grey, and he knew he was lost.

 

* * *

 

_Sunday, August 24th, 1997 - Ain’t No Sunshine_

 

He held the crumpled up piece of paper as he stared, once again, at the Shrieking Shack. Never had he thought a dilapidated building would have become such a prominent figure throughout his life.

 

 

_Meet me._  
It’s important.  
You know where.  
-N.M.

“I hadn’t pictured you with greying hair,” she said casually, sitting beside him in a manner he knew all too well.

“I hadn’t pictured you at all,” he admitted, turning to face her for the first time in nearly 16 years. She was dressed in a set of emerald and silver robes that screamed of old money. The Malfoy family crest sat on one ring finger, while an ostentatious opal ring with a silver wedding band sat on the other. Her hair was still blonde as ever, though she was keeping it shoulder length nowadays.

She had frown lines around her face, and the beginnings of crows feet around her eyes, though they didn’t take away from that fact that she was breathtakingly beautiful.

“Remus, it has been too long,” she said, taking his hand in hers.

Amber met grey, an old familiarity in them that he almost didn’t recognize.

“Why am I here, Narcissa?” he bluntly asked, hoping to get this meeting over as quick as possible.

“I have a list,” she said urgently, “of the Dark Lord’s bunkers. It’s not much, but it’s something.”

He narrowed his eyes at her. “And why should I believe anything you say?”

She rolled her eyes and stared at him. “He has taken residence in my home -- my home, Remus. He is punishing my husband and son for their recent failings, and I do not want harm to befall them. I want this war over. You might not believe anything I say, but you know better than anyone else the lengths I would go to protect my family.”

He accepted the paper from her, knowing in his heart her words were true. He still resented her for it. They sat there for a while.

“I miss you,” she said, and Remus sighed wearily, placing his hand in hers. He felt the cold presence of her wedding band there.

“I missed you, too,” he finally admitted, feeling the weight of two decades worth of unsaid words spill out of his mouth before he could bite them back. “I missed you for a long time. But I’m finally happy now, Cissa. This war is shit, and all of my friends have died, or are in constant danger. The war rests on the shoulders of my dead best friend’s son, and yet, there is happiness there too.”

“Yes,” she scoffed. “You married my niece. Really, Remus? Of all people.”

“She’s my mate.”

Silence.

“Oh. Well that’s good then. I am glad you found happiness,” she said stiffly, then glared when he chuckled at her.

“Jealous?”

A wry grin graced her mouth. “Maybe,” she said, “but only because we were doomed from the start. Maybe things could have been different if we weren’t who we were, and the war never happened. Maybe love could have been enough. I cannot regret my decision, though. I have my son, and he makes it all worth it.”

Remus smiled at her, understanding, because he would love his child with as much ferocity as she loved hers.

Narcissa placed a soft kiss on his mouth, old and familiar, but no longer held the heat of impassioned youth.

“Thank you for meeting me,” Narcissa smiled wistfully at him, and with the way the sun danced off of her skin he could almost picture her at sixteen, wild and free and just for him.

He watched her walk away, a melancholic feeling falling over him. And though he’d found his mate, and was irrevocably in love with her, when Narcissa Malfoy turned back, he felt his heart stutter a bit.

Amber eyes met grey ones, and a lifetime of love and hurt passed between them.

“I love you,” she said. “I’ve always loved you. We were a perfect match.”

He nodded. “Maybe that’s why we burnt out.”

The first time he saw her was in Potions class, she’d been a snotty eleven year old, and he’d thought her to be extraordinarily pretty.

He was still smiling nostalgically when she disapparated.

“I love you, too.”

 

* * *

 

_Saturday, October 31st, 1998 - Anytime She Goes Away_

 

 

 

_Remus J. Lupin * Nymphadora Lupin_  
March 10th, 1960 * August 13th, 1973  
May 2nd, 1998 * May 2nd, 1998  
Loving Parents, Loyal Friends, Courageous Heroes

 

She stood over the dual headstone, conjuring a box of muggle matches, now that she understood the reference.

_“We were a perfect match.”_

_He nodded, “maybe that’s why we burnt out.”_

She hadn’t been able to come here at first. But it was time, and she felt a calmness wash over her as she stood over the grave of the only man she’d ever truly loved. She placed the matches atop the headstone.

“Damn you,” she whispered, wiping furiously at her eyes. “My one true regret is you. But I am so happy you found your soulmate, even though you were always mine.” She chuckled at the absurdity of her actions, never having been one to entertain such frivolous notions.

The first time she saw him, almost two decades ago, she had scoffed at him to hide the fact that he was the handsomest boy she had ever seen, and she couldn’t bear to make a fool of herself in front of him.

Somewhere along the way he’d become her lover, her confidant, her very best friend. She should have told him more.

He had deserved better from her, but she would do her best to do right by him, having reached out to her older sister, an attempt to rekindle a sisterly bond that was broken so long ago. She would be there for his son, her great nephew.

“Mother? Why are you standing there? Father’s grave is up head.”

Draco stood behind her, looking over her shoulder quizzically.

“Did you know him? Remus Lupin? He was that professor I was an arse about back in third year.”

She shook her head, finding herself choking on the words she wanted to say, before settling with a too casual shrug. “We were friends, once.”

Narcissa Malfoy kissed her son on the cheek before turning around and walking away.

 _Goodbye, love,_ she thought, before disappearing with a resounding pop, leaving him at peace behind her.


End file.
